Establishing and respecting body boundaries is extremely important starting during the toddler years. Some little ones are naturally very comfortable with touch while others prefer their personal space. Following these cues is an important first step in teaching a child about the value of protecting their bodies from unwanted contact. As children start to grow more independent, perhaps spending time in daycare or a friend's home, it is time to start talking on a regular basis about the difference between good and bad touch.
Talking to Your Children About Body Safety
Lots of toddlers prance around the house unabashedly in their birthday suit. Their total lack of awareness and sense of freedom is adorable to witness. As these tiny tots grow a bit older, there is usually a natural sense of shyness and desire to cover up their bodies. This inherent sense of privacy does not show up at the same time for all kids, as parents can attest. And sometimes the late bloomers need an extra nudge to get dressed after bath time when it is no longer appropriate for them to hang out in the buff. No matter where your child falls on the continuum, you need to educate them about privacy, body safety, and touch. A great way to introduce the topic is by reading children's books about consent to touch their bodies. Here are some key points that will help guide your conversation.
(1) Kids have the right to refuse all touch.
Some children are perfectly comfortable kissing and hugging relatives, holding hands with their friends, and snuggling up during movie time with siblings and parents. Other kids are a little more reserved and don't necessary enjoy all human contact. There is only person who has the right to decide which kind of touch is ok- the child! The concept of good touch, bad touch applies to a variety of scenarios, not just private body parts.
(2) Talk to kids about the fact that abusers are often well-known to the family.
This is perhaps one of the most tragic and difficult concepts for young children to grasp. Sometimes the people doing the most harm are actually part of a child's trusted circle, like a relative, a sports coach, or a neighbor. These types of predators are difficult to identify because they are the same people invited to birthday parties, heading up practices, walking the school hallways, or in attendance at family gatherings.
(3) Encourage your children to trust their instincts and listen to their inner voice.
The tricky thing about sexual abuse is that it doesn't necessary hurt or feel physically bad. More tangible forms of physical violence, like a punch in the face or a kick in the gut, are easier to identify. And there are certainly many cases of bad touch that actually hurt. But there are also plenty of instances where the touch isn't painful, which can make the situation even more confusing for a child. When this is the case, kids will still have a sense that something bad is happening. Encourage them to pay attention to this sense and talk to a trusted person immediately.
(4) Don't talk to strangers.
There is a reason why this piece of sage advice has stood the test of time. Predators are not lurking around every corner, so you definitely do not want to instill a sense of paranoia in your children. Also, not all strangers are dangerous or pose any kind of threat at all. Young children often don't possess the skills to differentiate between a good stranger and a bad stranger. Child predators can come across very nice and engaging on the outside, throwing off a child's danger radar. For this reason, it's best to keep it simple by instructing your children to stay away from all strangers.
